Friday, 24 June 2011

Dear Internet, where do you get off?

Dear Internet,
This week I've been thinking a lot about how you give so many people so much joy and laughter. But have you ever considered that because of your selfless giving of "the good stuff" standards have started to slip?

I'm not just talking about the important things like porn.

I'm talking about EVERYTHING!

You see the other night, whilst recording yet another session of the worlds finest cost free swearing I stumbled on a rather poignant and beer induced epiphany:

"If there's a shit-load of people doing
the same thing on the Internet,
How the fuck am I supposed to know
what is good and what is shit?!"

Now, I regard myself as being quite the lucky fucker as, to quote
Mr Mike D: "I've got friends and family that I respect when I think I'm too good they put me in check".

It's true!

They do!

Not a week can pass by without someone close to me remarking that I'm being loud and / or incoherent over the very smallest of matters.
In regards to my input on the worlds finest Podcast I have been truly blessed with the gift of a dry and quick witted co-host alongside a veritable Smörgåsbord of special guests one of which just so happens to be the finest legal mind in the world available on hand to keep me towing the party line:

Now, because you, the Internet have made throwing content into the eyes, ears and pants of Joe Broadband so bloody easy, there is a lot to wade through in order to get to what you want to see / hear / wank to.
It has meant that for every titillating slice of fried whimsical brilliance there are forty million Kentucky fried pieces of shit to chew on and spit out before you get to sample that one divine portion of hotness you were looking for in the first place... I'm still not just talking about important things like porn.

It's tough to find really good stuff out there! Every sod is at it! More to the point, if you yourself are used to nothing but poop in a red and white striped bucket and you yourself start creating content for worldwide consumption, how do you know what is good and what is going to make you talk to God on the big white telephone?
How could you possibly know the difference?

One tip for you Internet, If you find yourself worried about the number of people that read / download / spank off to your creations that you're chucking out for free you should quit now.
You're plain not doing it right.

If, however, you find that you couldn't give to shits as to who enjoys your content and how then keep up the good work. We here at the home of flipping the bird at strangers not only salute your endeavours in "doing it for poops and giggles" but also fully support your reasons for doing such a thing in the first place. Enjoy what you're doing but ensure you've surrounded yourself with people that keep you honest, funny and in my case drunk!*

So I guess this post should have been called:

"Dear Internet, I know where and how you get off...

...That thought makes me need a cold shower."

*Legally I must add the following disclaimer:
I do not require any assistance of any description in keeping myself drunk from any other hosts or guest hosts of the downloadable drinking session known as: Liquid Inspiration Podcast.
However, financial offers of help in this endeavour from listeners of the show are always welcome when verbalised whilst within the environment of a public house.

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